Dear Santa, Love Jane

Chez Miss Ball, we have a long history with the Christmas wish list.  After Thanksgiving—and by December 1 at the latest—there’s a certain amount of familial pressure to inventory our needs and desires, type up the ones that can realistically be satisfied with a credit card and some fancy footwork by the USPS, and distribute the results. Woe and irrelevant gift cards to the family member (except apparently my father, who mostly abstains and then sometimes gets weird presents, Dad) who fails to furnish a list.

The Jane-verse is, of course, jammed with characters and their desires, from prettier hat ribbons to lifelong love and just a little bit of respect—and the subject’s just ripe for a game. Below, check out the anonymous Christmas wish lists—then guess their authors. Leave your answers in the comments!

1. Dear Mr. Claus,

I’ve been mostly good this year—and when I haven’t, it’s mostly been my sister’s fault. Perhaps she deserves a double helping of coal? I, of course, hope to receive only nice things, including an inhaler and a will of my own.

2. Dear Saint Nicholas,

If I must make a supplication to a saint so beloved by children, I’d like a new flannel waistcoat and the love of a pretty girl, preferably of an inappropriately young age. Bonus points if accessories include a scoundrel of her own generation.

3. Santa!

As always, I want books. Lots and lots and lots of books. Also, please send common sense and a cute boy whose dad definitely isn’t a murderer. XOXOXO!

4. My Esteemed Mr. Claus,

I already have nearly everything I need, and anything else my father can and will buy for me. Instead, I’d prefer that you conferred upon my friends and family the shared realization that I am always right, and not bossy in the least. This action would help me out a great deal.

5. Dear Most Kind and Generous Sir,

I ask from the bottom of my humble heart for a stairwell half so elaborate and expensive as my neighbor’s, and also the esteem of that same neighbor…though I do believe she likes me already!

What do you think, readers?

Quote Unquote: No Check to My Genius

On February 14, 1998, I bought a card because it had an enchanting quote from Jane Austen on the front:

“Expect a most agreeable letter, for. . . having nothing at all to say, there shall be no check to my genius from beginning to end.”

I still have this card. (I also have the receipt, which is how I know the date.) For 11 and a half years, I’ve been looking for the right occasion to send it! But there is something so intimidating about having to follow this essentially Austen opening bid, shall we say, that I never have. Clearly, ironically, an ordinary occasion would not be good enough. One can’t claim to have nothing to say, then cheerily write “Happy Birthday! Love, Mrs. Fitzpatrick” as if nothing had happened. Assuming one likes one’s friends and wants to keep them, I mean.

So it would need to be an occasion of love or friendship only: where you were writing to the person solely for the enjoyment of their conversation; because they love you and they’ll laugh at your jokes. And the good old tradition of writing nothing-saying notes about what happened in church yesterday, and who was wearing what, and why, has moved almost completely to email, texting, and IM-ing. (I’m too old to convert Jane’s fillip of inspiration to lol-speak, but any readers who can have my full support.) So I could see this as the opening line in an email I wrote to my best friend at 1 A.M. But generally speaking, I only write lettery cards at Christmas, when someone gives me something, and to relatives of a certain generation. These are not witty letters (shame on me). I feel, and here is the nub of the situation, that my ability to write “mere lively chat” has been sadly underused and diminished of late. I mean, you’d have to sit up all night to be witty enough to follow Jane! (Not that, AHEM, that doesn’t stop a lot of people from trying!) Alas, do we now only write about serious or boring things in our own hand? I want to say, “No!” but who has the time for writing witty nonsense? Or, ha, there’s the rub, rather than confining our wit to one close friend, we blog it out for the world to see. The strangely public lives we lead. . .

I am now convinced that this card is nearly useless, but that the quote could be adapted to a wide range of situations. Really, “Having nothing to say, there shall be no check to my genius from beginning to end.” might be the mantra of modern times. I mean that in a completely good way, of course.

Special Halloween note: Check out our limited-time-only Halloween header! (You may have to refresh or clear your cache to see it.) Zombies, man? You are so old-school! Clones is where it’s at for the horror this year! Would Jane kill Jane? We’ll never know for sure.

Photo credit: ©2009 by Heather Dever. All rights reserved.