Come one, come all, to the Jane Austen Fight Club, where the very best from 
Jane’s world and the very best from everywhere else match wits and fists for all to see! The prizes: pride, honor, and the adoration of Jane fans everywhere, or a “The first rule of fight club is, we don’t talk about Mr. Darcy” t-shirt and possibly some Regency-era medical care for all your combat-induced wound-care needs!
Today’s contestants:
Fitzwilliam “King of Hearts” Darcy, kind-hearted curmudgeon and romantic hero extraordinaire, and “Actual” King George VI, recovering stammerer and…well, king! One rules the Austen-industrial complex and the other just rules, and today, only one will walk away with his face and his reputation intact!
In their corners:
Mr. Darcy is loyal, devoted, and puts his money where his mouth is. He’s romantic. He likes the low-maintenance type and recognizes the virtues of a pair of fine eyes and a dirty hem. He’s nice to his baby sister and takes care of his goofy best friend, for better or worse, and he keeps a sweet bachelor pad. And let’s not forget the way he takes those afternoon swims!
George VI is, um, an actual crown-wearing, scepter-carrying monarch? He takes care of royal business, including a little kerfuffle called World War II, when his weenie brother gives up the throne for a girl. He’s a looker and he gets to wear those fancy military outfits, being both Commander-in-Chief and an actual Great War sailor. And he might finally get Colin Firth that Oscar, which surely nets him a point or two?
Handicaps:
Darcy, while handsome and devoted, can be—how do we put this?—a bit…awkward. With some people. Like, maybe all of them? He doesn’t keep his voice down when he’s saying something rude; he doesn’t dance at parties when he knows there are ladies without partners; he makes proposals that sound an awful lot like “I must be a moron, but let’s get married!” Charming.
George—don’t suppose they’d let us call him Bertie—is, it turns out, kind of a mess. There’s the speech issue, of course, but then also an entire early life of being picked last for probably everything (knee braces, forced right-handedness, chronic stomach problems, and a reputation for being “easily frightened and prone to tears”), plus major moves towards the dissolution of the British Empire under his reign. Whoops?
Decision:
Darcy. He may not be literally royal, but he reigns in our hearts…and he doesn’t come with an awesome wife played by a surprisingly normal Helena Bonham Carter. I think that means a lot to all of us.
austenacious 