Mr. Darcy, Mr. Knightley, gentlemen: congratulations on landing the babe of your choice. I have no doubt, birth control being what it is, that you’ll all soon be fathers. As you might guess, the rules of being an awesome Austen dude change a bit with dad-hood. Let’s go over some basics.
- Break off, I repeat, break off any entails your estate is under. I know being a manly man you assume you’ll have a son, but it just might not happen that way. And you don’t want your daughter to have to marry her skanky cousin, now do you?
- You guys have all chosen well, but just in case. . . if your wife doesn’t quite live up to your expectations, don’t ignore her and leave her to her own devices. It doesn’t pay, and the kids might not turn out well.
- Speaking of which, take some interest in your children. Let them know you love them, and don’t leave them under the care of their evil aunts. (Note: Almost all aunts in literature are evil. It’s one of those phenomena.)
- Don’t think about your own looks, and don’t value the kids based on theirs. Keep as few mirrors in your dressing room as possible.
- When making out your will, don’t leave the kids tied to their mother’s purse strings. Let them choose their own careers and destinies. Everyone will be a lot happier.
OK, guys, got that? Fatherhood is tricky territory. So watch your step and one day you too might receive a cravat that looks like a fish.
austenacious 