Out with the old; in with the Jane

Liz Ball, , ,

So, it’s January 4. Have you broken your New Year’s resolution(s) yet?

I mean. HAPPY NEW YEAR, AUSTEN NATION!

But really. Raise your hand if you have, in the past four days, done any of these things: 1) eaten chocolate chips straight from the bag, for lack of better dessert in the house; 2) failed to work out because your hair already looked so good and also you DID walk all the way to the mailbox after work, so there’s that; 3) made risotto entirely because it allowed you to open a bottle of wine, and then what are you going to do, leave it on the fridge door until it turns into vinegar?; or 4) “cleaned the floor” by taping your crawling-age baby to an old t-shirt and turning it loose.

Let’s face it: these things happen.

That may be so, but today, Austen Nation, we are going to play a game! And we believe you can handle it, even if you have not actually organized your scrunchie collection like you promised you were going to. Below, check out the descriptions of failed resolutions. Match them to the appropriate Austen characters. Write your own, if you’d like? And let us hear it all in the comments.

Aaaaand: go.

1. Resolves to practice the power of positive thinking. Is already so thoroughly positive as to succeed just by getting up in the morning. Is impressed by the power of positive thinking.

2. Resolves to run off, experience the world, and achieve self-actualization, possibly becoming a lady-pirate with much cooler younger sister in the process. Fails to account for the medium-sized drop-off, meant to thwart wandering cows, at the edge of the estate.

3.  Resolves to be more in control of her emotions. Is in raptures about how controlled her emotions are going to be, now that she’s resolved. Faints with excitement.

4. Resolves to get out of bed. Is seduced by cuteness of pug face. Stays in bed.

5. Has no resolutions. Life is already perfect: wife supportive of gardening habit; house next to awesomest house in the world.

6. Resolves to be a lady with a grasp on reality. Is pretty sure husband is pushing her towards this resolution in order to lure her into cave of godlessness and drink her blood. But at least she likes her father-in-law.

Whaddaya think?

Out with the old; in with the Jane

10 thoughts on “Out with the old; in with the Jane”

  1. Hmm. 2 is Fanny Price, 3 could be Marianne Dashwood, 4 has to be Lady Bertram, 5 is Mr Collins and 6 is Catherine Morland. I’m not sure about the first one, though. Jane Bennet?

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  2. I love games! Thank you for the fun!

    1 – Captain Benwick?
    2 – Margaret Dashwood
    3 – Marianne Dashwood
    4 – Lady Bertram (only one I’m confident about so far!)
    5 – Mr. Collins
    6 – Catherine Morland

    Might be way off on the first three…

    Let’s see I’ll make one up for Mr. Woodhouse – Resolves to worry less and not be so troublesome to his daughter and new son-in-law. Succeeds for only thirty minutes until he hears a rumor that Miss Bates has developed laryngitis.

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  3. Haha, these are absolutely hilarious!!

    I’m a little stumped on the first one, though…Meredith’s guess of Captain Benwick seems about right.

    2 – Rather confused with this one, too. Fanny Price?
    3- Margaret. Haha.
    4 – Lady Bertram.
    5 – Mr. Collins. “Awesomest house” 😀 That’s totally how he would put in 21st century speak
    6 – Catherine. Doing wonderful with her resolution, I see.

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  4. Emily Michelle says:

    See, I thought the first one was Jane Bennet. Just because she’s so thoroughly positive. But then I’ve already watched today’s Lizzie Bennet Diaries about eighteen times so the Bennets are on my mind right now.

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  5. no idea for the first two, you definitely stumped me!

    3- Marianne
    4-Lady Bertram
    5-Mr. Collins
    6- Cathy

    super fun idea! thanks 🙂

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  6. amy l says:

    I agree with the consensus on 3-6. 2 sounds like Lydia (or perhaps Kitty) to me and yes 1 maybe Jane probably Bingley. Thanks for the diversion 🙂

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  7. 2 is definitely Fanny, based on the veiled ha-ha reference (so many ha-has in MP!) and also the fact that it is Miss Ball’s ‘dearest hope that Susan Price will accompany Fanny back to Mansfield, take one look at the whole situation, and drag her sister off to become pirate queens on the Thrush or something’ (I had to look up the exact quote, but I remember that I loved the idea). I’m still stuck on the first one, though. Actually, hang on… is it Bingley?? He certainly thinks well of everything and everyone. If not him, then I stand by my original guess, Jane Bennet. It just shows how well-matched they are that it could apply to either of them.

    …I have just realised that my Austen nerdery is possibly matched only by my Austenacious nerdery. Oh well.

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    1. Sophie! You win! #1 is, indeed, Mr. Bingley.

      (Jane’s a good guess, too. But I personally see her more along the lines of “kind and gentle” than “hilariously upbeat 100 percent of the time.”)

      Also, it’s hilarious to me that you remembered my lady-pirate ambitions for Fanny. You are correct!

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