What is Mother’s Day without fondly remembering the times when our mothers were looking out for our best interests? Mrs. Bennet certainly took great pains to ensure the future happiness of all of her daughters. When Jane asked for the carriage to visit the Bingley sisters, Mrs. Bennet replied, “No, my dear, you had better go on horseback, because it seems likely to rain; and then you must stay all night.” Always thinking ahead, that Mrs. B. And she wasn’t wrong, was she?
To celebrate Mother’s Day this year, I have collected some wisdom bestowed on me and my friends by our dear mothers.
On marriage prospects…
• When you get on the plane, you have to be nice if there is a man sitting next to you. He might be single and marry you.
• The entire family is going to fast for one meal every day until you find someone and get married.
• After receiving an email saying I was dating someone, her response was, “I’m so happy! I’ve been praying for this for so long!”
On personal safety…
• No, you can’t go to the New Kids on the Block concert. If you were to go to a concert, you’d probably stand up on a chair to see better. Then you might fall off the chair and break you neck!
• Whatever you do, don’t try on clothes in a Parisian boutique. If you do, you will be abducted and sold into white slavery in Saudi Arabia! I read about it in a magazine.
On the lack of hardiness of subsequent generations…
• Your Great Grandmother Lizzy would wipe her arse with a broken gin bottle.
On becoming a lady of musical accomplishment…
• Don’t bother playing those country songs. Just scream rock ‘n’ roll and kick up your leg and shake your bum!
On the importance of an heir…
• Just get pregnant, you don’t have to get married. I want great grandchildren.
• What? Why would you adopt? You don’t know where that baby came from! If you can’t find a husband, just go out and get pregnant. (Note: This occurred when I was in my 30s.)
On appropriate clothing…
austenacious 
OMG this made me laugh so hard! I could totally see my mother in this…
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Glad you got a laugh! Honestly, I couldn’t not have made any of this up! 🙂
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My mother always harped on us about having clean underwear on (mostly directed at my brothers, but I got it too) in case we were in an accident. I’m hear to tell you that if you’re in an accident, the last thing on your mind, and that of the EMT, is whether or not your undies are clean. I’ve been that person laid out on a gurney with a seriously broken leg and the option of me taking my shorts and undies off by myself wasn’t going to happen. That’s right, they took big cold scissors and cut the clothing off from the lower half of my body….and I didn’t care that I was laying there half exposed to the ER!!!
If I ever have kids I’ll request that they wear clean underwear but not because they may be in an accident….I just don’t want them to smell funky!
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Yep, I’ve gotten the clean underwear advice too. Apparently this is a widespread concern. The focus on what you’re wearing, and not on the fact that you’re injured badly enough to need an EMT, reminds me of something my mom used to say, only half in jest: “If you get hurt while you’re outside playing, just don’t come in and bleed on my furniture.” But blood is tough to clean, so I can’t really hold it against her. 🙂
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