Come one, come all, to the Jane Austen Fight Club, where the very best from Jane’s world and the very best from…well, everywhere else…duke it out for all to see! The prizes: pride, honor, and the adoration of Jane fans everywhere, or a “The first rule of fight club is, we don’t talk about Mr. Darcy” t-shirt and some quality Regency-era medical care!
Today’s contestants:
Caroline “Look at her mother” Bingley of Pride and Prejudice takes on Nellie “Doll-Snatcher” Oleson, villainess extraordinaire of the Little House books! Will Caroline’s sugar-coated machinations be any match for Nellie’s direct-violence methods? Yes, the Mean Girls’ Match is on!
In their corners:
Caroline lists her favorite hobbies as taking turns about the room, crafting subtle barbs to wound her dear friends, and, oh yes, completely ruining their lives. All with a smile, you know. She won’t let you live anything down, from your dirty socks to your mistaken moments of honesty (“fine eyes” indeed, Mr. Darcy!), and she’ll stab you in the back every time.
Nellie likes to pull your hair, snatch her dolls out of your hands, and make fun of your mother. In round 2, she tries everything she can to get you kicked out of school and to catch and keep all the available men, especially ones called Almanzo.
Handicaps:
Caroline actually acted out of kindness once. Yes, she did—she tried to tell Lizzie that Mr. Wickham wasn’t quite the golden boy Lizzie thought he was. However, she did it so offensively that no harm was done, and Lizzie liked Mr. Wickham better than ever!
Nellie let Laura back her into a pond and get leeches all over her. She even cried about it, seriously losing face. How can you take a villainess seriously after that?
Decision:
Ding ding ding! It’s Miss Bingley, without a fight! She runs rings around Nellie Oleson, all while keeping her pants dry and her wit intact. Nellie tries, but none of her schemes work for long—Laura sees through her every time, and scares her silly with leeches, horses, or whatever’s there. It takes almost the whole book for Caroline’s plot to unravel. She’s got Jane, her brother, and Mr. Darcy sown up so tight that only the blundering of Lady Catherine can set them free. And, mind you, that happens when Lizzie and Mr. Darcy are at Rosings, where the Mistress of Manipulation can’t keep an eye on them. Nope, in the Mean Girl Stakes, it’s Miss Bingley for the win!
austenacious 
I do feel obligated to point out that Jane and Bingley only stayed under Caroline’s spell for so long because they are, bless their hearts, not all that bright–or, if you prefer to read it that way, much too trusting. But I agree, Caroline Bingley is a formidable foe: devious, without scruples, and unrelenting even in the face of Mr. Darcy’s obvious lack of interest. “I thought they were brightened by the exercise.”
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I always actually LIKED Nellie Oleson. She was my favorite. She had a brain, and used it to get ahead. Forgive me, but Laura was ever so sweet and perky and Mary was just a bore. Poor Grace never made any sense and Albert was the “we need a cute boy” filler. Nellie, well, she had spirit. She also married the best guy to wander into Walnut Grove, Percival, who was the only one who seemed to do anything without failing miserably (and dramatically). Adam failed at his Law practive. Manly failed at farming, Charles failed at farming over and over again. Percival gave one the impression he had everything under control, and he didn’t sit around gritting his teeth and surviving by the seat of his pants. He bothered finding something to do that made a decent living. Like Niles Oleson.
I mean, after all those years, did it ever occur to the Inagalls/Wilder clan that farming just didn’t cut it?
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Didee: I’m assuming you are referring to the TV show here, which I never watched. 🙂 I always heard it was nothing like the books, and now I believe it. Laura wasn’t all that sweet in the books, you know. She liked to run wild and free. Also, the family moved around a lot more, chasing the good old American dream.
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Interesting perspective, Didee! I always disliked tv!Nellie. She was just so selfish. If you haven’t read the books, I highly recommend them. Mrs. F loaned me her books last summer, and I really enjoyed them. As Mrs. F say, they really did move around a lot, hoping to make something for themselves in remote parts of the country.
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